like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
