Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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