i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When did angry sex become our thing?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
