This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
