Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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