I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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