It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
