I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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