The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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