wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I FOUND THE LEGS
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
