Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
