You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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