Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
