Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We need a shit load of segways right now
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I need to sanitize my soul.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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