she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
