Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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