It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
