Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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