My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
