He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
