Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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