Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
