dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
