So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Randomize
