I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
