I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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