You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
