I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Panties = found
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