a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My vagina is very pro this idea
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
