bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
