we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
