They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We need to get me chipped asap
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
