When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
