Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
