A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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