alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
