Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
