I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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