Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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