I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I puked a lego.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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