Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
