You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
