Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I will pee on everything he values.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
