I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
