i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
nutella sex= disaster
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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