I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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