I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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