Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize