Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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