you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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