Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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