I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
