I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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