my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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