Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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