oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
