Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You're my little dorito
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
