Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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