She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
