So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
