I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
