I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
