It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
